There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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