And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
