i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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