so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
