I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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