If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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