My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
