There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
