You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
