Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
