I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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