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• (855): View more from

  somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.

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• (914): View more from New York

  You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I will fight anything that is not spinning right now

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.

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• (315): View more from New York

  I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.

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• (925): View more from California

  are you still alive?

  (1-925): View more from California

  no.

  (925): View more from California

  i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone

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