i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
