fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
