Just fell off a train. Bad.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
