Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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