I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
