How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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