You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
