i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
