I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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