Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
