I think my fart just growled at me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
