i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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