quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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