we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
