me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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