i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
