My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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