ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
