we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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