1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
