I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
