there's paper in my vomit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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