They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
