just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
