I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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