i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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