I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
