come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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