All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
