Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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