Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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