don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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