FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
