Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
