He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
