it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
