nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its about making memories worth repressing
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
