I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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