i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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